Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Why is it...

I cried today. I needed too, felt it coming, knew it was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. I was helpless in stopping it. So...I cried. It's funny isn't it? How it can creep up on you. Slowly, sneaking behind you, until it's right on the edge. All it took was one question. Yep. Someone asked me one question and out they came. I couldn't stop them if I wanted too.

I'm really not a cryer. I mean...I can. I cry at the end of sad movies. I cry at funerals of people I hardly knew. But just crying to cry...nope. You know why? I HATE CRYING!

Ugh...I get all stuffed up. My sinus' are a mess afterwards. I have to take a decongestant. My eye make-up is ruined. My nose gets all red. And runny. My eyes get puffy and red. And worse? I get TIRED! Like can't keep eyes open, peel them apart, drop dead right there tired. It never fails...I get a sinus infection every time I cry allot. Did I mention that I hate crying?

So I cried. And my makeup ran. And my nose was a mess. And I couldn't breathe for hours after words because my sinus' were stuffed up. I had to take a decongestant. My nose was red. You get the picture?

And why...please tell me...no matter why you cry...do we then try to STOP crying? It's impossible! I know. I have tried. Every trick in the book. To looking at anything other then the reason that is making you cry. To thinking of something else. To drinking something to confuse the senses. To holding my breath so the tears stop. But it doesn't work.

And need I mention how wrong it is to TALK while your crying??? OMG...you stutter, mumble, start and stop because your trying to stop the tears. You sound like a blubbering idiot. I know I do.

So why does everyone say "a good cry cleanses and makes you feel so much better?" It doesn't. I feel like crap. That A) I cried, B) I lost my backbone, C) Pissed that now I feel like I have a sinus infection and didn't get anything out of it.

What do you look like when you cry? How does it make you feel?


Tooj said...

Everything you just described? It's me. Well, I don't know about the sinus part...I don't pay that much attention to if it's sinuses or not...just stuffed up, puffy, redness, all of that. And yes...I don't mind crying if I'm in the right situation (read: my car, alone, not headed to see anyone), but other than that...I just feel wimpy for letting go. BUT....after I cry and sit for a few hours and think about what it was that made me cry? I DO feel better...at least I talked it out or thought it out, or did what I needed to do to release it a little bit.

Leah said...

I agree with you 100%, but it does feel good to finally just let it all out, too. Let out the stress, sadness, anger, whatever it is... but yeah, the stuffiness, puffy eyes, funky voice, sour throat, etc, kind of suck. big time.