Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I'm in a Funk...

It's true. I have been in a funk for a few weeks now. Winter Blues? Not enough sleep? Depressed? Stressed? Worn out? You name it, I probably have it. I haven't blogged much lately because I don't want my crappy mood to rub off on you kind folks. And I really have been far-fetched to find something positive to talk about. So I stay quiet.

I have the baby blues. I know, I know...I am way past the baby making stage. And no worries, DH had that snipped the second our last was born so I could not have these feelings and talk him into it. Because let me tell you, had he not I would SOOOOO be workin that whole angle on him. My babies are 13 & 9, and yes it's nice having them beyond the baby/toddler stage and independent, I miss the baby stage. I miss the smells, the unconditional love, the holding and staring forever at them, the showing off, the "i can't believe i made this person" feeling.

I have the "I'm sick of my life can I run away to a tropical place and never come back?" blues. So really, can I? Would that make me a bad mom? I'll even take them with me?

I have the ever eternal tiredness that never leaves no matter how much sleep i manage during the day. It makes it really hard to motivate myself to go to work. To do laundry. To put on make-up.

I am eating junk again. Haven't been to the gym in so long I don't want to tell you because I'm ashamed. That 6lbs I lost? ya, it's back. The Holidays happened, Arizona happened, life happened. I can't seem to motivate myself to get back. And it's been raining for like 40 days and nights now, so I can't walk with my BFF who would show up at my house every morning and kick me in the butt and stand over me while i grudgingly put my shoes on and she shoved me out the door and on to our 2-3 mile walks each morning. Is it weird I miss that from her? Hmm...that's another post someday.

So the good thing is that I consciously know I am doing all these things. And I am telling myself to pull it together and move on. And then that little voice in my head says "there's always tomorrow"...



Kaci said...

Hmmmmmmm I thought something was up. XOXO

Tooj said...

Funks. They just "ARE" sometimes. And I think we all understand.

I hope that it's passed by now since I'm late coming to this post. But if it's not passed yet, it will. :)

I keep thinking everyday that I'm not doing ENOUGH to cherish my moments with my children, and reading a post like this, even if you find it possibly negative, helps me. It refocuses me, makes me realize how lucky we are, you and I. The gifts we're given, even if no more are coming, is more than what others might ever be given. And I need to focus on developing that sense of loyalty and love and peace that parents should have with children, and that children should have with parents.

Thank you CLW. :)