Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Prayers please...

I am writing this post as I sit beside my daughters Hospital Bed holding her hand. My heart breaks for her as it seems she never gets a break. We are here for several days while they run many tests.

Last night while sitting in the doctors office, after hearing him say she had to go back to the hospital, she broke down in tears that were enough to break my heart. She cried to not go back, and although i wanted nothing more then to kiss her and tell her it was going to be ok and protect her, i knew deep inside that going to the hospital was what would help her to feel better and find whats wrong. As badly as I wanted to say "you don't have to go", I just hugged her and promised to be there holding her hand every step.

Life is so unfair for her. I'm so frustrated with how much is thrown her way. As much of a trooper as she is, and truly is my hero, enough is enough. Her life is hard enough without adding more things on. As if her road hasn't been crazy enough with road blocks, we have to encounter more. As if she hasn't already learned about strength from going through so much already, she needs to be tested more? As if she hasn't learned about patience, she needs to fret and worry more about her little world?

I have walked every step with her, gone to every therapy appointment, exercised her, taught her sign language, speech, walking and how to make friends. I've held her hand through every trial, wiped many tears and listened to her cry herself to sleep on too many nights. I've attended every doctors appointment and fought the political mess of school funding for her special education to the mess of insurance and medical funding. I have filed more paperwork for her then I care to ever see again, and I've watched her like a hawk for any new signs. I've cried myself to sleep and my brain never shuts down with the many things that still need to be done, but i have NEVER stopped fighting for her.

I know inside that she IS where she is because i didn't give up. And I know many families face much worse then we do. But just this once...just this one time...I need to say...LIFE STINKS SOMETIMES!

So please pray for her, for us, so that she may catch just a little break for once. Just enough so she can catch her breath and get ready for the next hurdle to be thrown her way.

XOXO

3 comments:

Norms said...

I don't know the details. But you are in my thoughts. Sending Healing Light and Love.
Outstnding Mommies always carry the burden of thier very loved babies.
Love you.

Tooje said...

I'm with Norms. As mothers we understand where you are coming from, and it's okay to be frustrated and shout it out - it stinks!!!

Just smile lots, give her silly things to play and do. Maybe dress up as a clown or mime. :) It'd make you both giggle at the silliness, right?

Leah said...

Poor Em. Hope she catches a break sooner than later.