Sunday, September 9, 2012

Internal Thoughts...

These last few weeks I have been doing a bit of internal thoughts on where I am in my life, where I want to be, what I have been through so far, what more there is to go through. What lesson's I have learned in life so far, and what lesson's I still have to teach.

I am no where today where 20 years ago I thought I'd be, and yet I am all that I can be today. I have been through so much, and learned so much, but the most humbling has been that I still have so much left to learn.

Life, is in itself, a lesson that never ceases. I try to teach my children that. But they are still children, and only think about today, not what tomorrow may bring. Adults, always worry about what tomorrow may bring. The innocence's of childhood, protects them from the worries, but at what point is it a disadvantage for them to not be prepared for tomorrow?

For example, my son's middle school's belief is to let all students take "retakes" on their tests if they want to improve their grades. Yet, trying to teach my son, that in "real life" there is no retakes. You have to get it done right the first time. It was a hard lesson in high school, where that schools belief is to do it right the first time, and no retakes.

Brings me full circle now that he has his first job, and teaching him job etiquette, and being proud of the effort and work he puts forth. To not wait to be to told, if you see it needs to be done, just do it. The effort will always be rewarded.

Having a daughter, I struggle with teaching her life lessons differently then you do a boy. Right now teaching her to be true to herself, and to be honest and loyal to friends. Trust is a big deal, and an honor to have. Treat it gently, and never take it for granted. It's ok to make new friends, but don't stomp on the friends you have now to make them. And remember, the friends we have today, may stay with us for life. They help mold you into the person you will become. But that can go either negatively or positively.

My heart breaks for my nephew. He left for college recently, and is going through some tough personal struggles with high school friends. His heart is breaking, and feeling alone, yet he needs to go through these times to build the character that will define him as a man and the person he will be. And now knowing what it feels like, he will surely not treat others the way he has been treated. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Much as I do. It will cause him much pain throughout his years. But it will also bring him much joy and knowing real love.

One of the hardest lessons as a parent, has been that I can't kiss the boo-boos and make the pain go away. I want so much to prevent the pain I know they will go through, but know in my heart, unless they go through it, they will not have learned the lesson I did by going through it myself. It has made me who I am.

That heart on the sleeve? Has brought me many tears, lost a few friends, some heart break, left a job, hurt feelings, and pride wounded. But it has also brought me inner strength, more happiness then I ever imagined, love without an end. It has taught me to keep a wall around it, but to know when to open the door and let people in. It has taught me that trust is the most important feature in a person. That heart, has rewarded me in more ways then I can imagine.

I will continue to trust, love and be hurt. Because no matter how old i get, there will always be a lesson for me to learn. I will never stop giving the benefit of doubt and trusting people. I just learn to be a bit choosier about who those people are I let into my life.

And if you are one of those people...I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for being a part of it.


1 comment:

O'Costa said...

not all mothers are aware of the kind of influence they have their children and it makes me happy to have read your thoughts and 22,i have no friends,no social life and a grave loner..i can not name one person i can trust and am most of the time very unhappy...i would rather confine in total strangers who i will never see again or keep it bottled up and its mostly because of the negative energy i grew up in....your kids have a mother....